Contentment…

Are you content?

Someone asked me that the other day, and the answer is I have no idea. I am but I am not. I never stop trying to make myself be better or do better. I think sometime last year forgot how to be myself.

I don’t normally do “resolutions”, mostly because who actually sticks to those. However, I was inspired to jot some goals down. Not long term goal but short term goals, something to keep me focused in a time of chaos.

  • more time with Baby J (park days, outing, exploring, or crafts)
  • blog more
  • travel somewhere and explore something new at least once a month
  • start a travel blog
  • get back to working out (I have slacked since October and I miss it) and of course eating healthy again. This one has already begun
  • read 150-200 books this year (long term obviously… probably lol)
  • start a budget for said books
  • laugh a little more (more time with friends)
  • last but not least I would like to sing again even if it is a karaoke night

Whew you would have thought that short list would not have taken me two days to think about. So I will go back to my original question. Am I content? Yes I think I am BUT I will not keep from pushing myself to be better for me and my son.

Here’s where I think people get little lost. Contentment shouldn’t be confused for settling, no matter what that looks like for you (relationships, jobs, material things) Settling is NO good for anyone! So if you are settling don’t. If you are content, good for you! If you are a little lost like I was don’t panic, start a list of goals.

REMEMBER fortune favors the bold!

Dreaming with my eyes wide open

Have you ever wanted something so bad that your mind and heart speak to you in dreams? Do you do this? Sometimes I will be in the middle of the day and find myself dreaming of you.

Tonight I saw glimpses of a future that was never meant to mine but one that I have wanted since I was a lil girl. As I lay down to sleep my mind is restless and I know that when I give up and let go you will be there waiting for me smiling hand extended as if leading me down to the madness of my own doing. It’s 3:45 am, I know it’s time. There’s really no use fighting my need to see you even briefly. The dreams are never the same but always end the same way with my heart racing knowing our time is coming an end.

The minute my eyes close I’m instantly there with you and it’s like no time has passed and a thousand years have gone by.

…..

I know our time is running out. I can hear my alarm in the background the panic must show in my eyes so as things start to fade you reach out to touch my cheek saying “It’s ok, I’ll see you soon.”

When I open my eyes, I can’t help but feel the leap of my heart. It takes a minute to know that’s a dream and you are gone.

My reality starts all over. I miss you sometimes more than i need air.

Cheating… Yes or No?

Definition of cheat

transitive verb
1to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud 

  • cheated the elderly couple out of their property
2to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice 

  • a young man who cheated young women into marrying him when he was already married
3to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting 

  • cheat death

So what do you think? When is it cheating and when do you cross that line? Is it a specific time for you? Do you feel like there are times when it is justified? Angela, What if I feel like this person is MY forever? How do you help a friend that has been through it?

Well here are my thoughts and my answers to the questions above, let me know if you have different opinions than mine. (Believe it or not there’s more than one answer)

What do I think? Cheating is personal for me. Until you have been cheated on or been the “other person” I don’t think you can have an informed decision. I don’t feel it’s like ever an option.

When is it considered cheating? Hmmm If you are committed to someone, anything that you can’t do in front of your partner. I would consider “not good”. There is no such thing (in my book) as a innocent flirtation or texting with someone is taken when their partner doesn’t know or not involved.

Do you feel like their is times when it is justified? I think people mistake excuses for justification. But ,Angela, you don’t know MY situation… You’re right I do not , however I know you can leave any time you choose so cheating is not justified in my book NO MATTER WHAT.

What if I feel like this person is MY forever? Oh wow well, honey, I do NOT believe God will send you someone else’s husband or wife. Now that being said if you are unhappy and feel like there is no reconciliation then again I reiterate please leave before one or both of you get hurt. Ps. lets say you DO end up together how do you ever trust one another to be faithful to you? (just a thought)

How do you help a friend going through this trail? I know in my situation mostly I just wanted to not feel stupid or like I was worth something. See all I can see that comes from cheating on someone is that you leave them feelings of worthlessness, self esteem issues and feeling oh so gullible. Let them rant. Let them cry. And most importantly be encouraging, pray for BOTH parties (as no one is perfect).

My thoughts are this, if you do not want someone to treat you bad why would you treat them bad. Air on the side of caution, If you feel like you met someone you can not live without leave the one you are with now. Remember at one time, those people were the very air you breathed.

Does fortune truly favor the bold?

Does fortune favor the bold? Do you believe in fate? Do you want it bad enough? What’s the absolute worst that can happen?

So I have this ongoing debate with a friend… He says intimidation plays into whether or not someone asks you out. Here’s my thoughts on that.

Does fortune favor the bold? I believe it does. Sometimes the opposition is just as nervous as you are.

Do you believe in fate? Absolutely! If you are meant to be in someone’s life then you will be there.

Do you want it bad enough? Now here’s where it gets tough. It’s not easy putting yourself out of the limb where you can be exposed and vulnerable, but if you don’t then you won’t get what you want (and that’s a 100% guarantee). They can not read your mind.

What’s the worst that can happen? Hmmm REJECTION yeah i know that’s never fun. But what happens if you get that promotion or if that special person says yes? Is it worth the risk? If you say no it’s not then that job or that person is not meant for you. (IMO) If it is worth the risk then I challenge you to be bold! And remember this they are probably just as scared to say yes and you are to ask.

The older I get the more i realize that life is too short for someone to not know your worth.

#bethemouse #youcandoit #ibelieveinyou

Today my demons are screaming….

First, lets take a step back in the past, so you can better understand what is going on in my world today.

I was married in 2000 to a man that was not my knight in shining armor. We were NOT good for each other. Although he was never abusive, the effect was the same. November 2002 just two days before Thanksgiving my ex came into our house at 1:30 am and informed me he had filed for divorce.  My world was shattered… This man who had become the air I breathed was leaving me. He sat on the couch after that bomb, while we talked about things for a minute. We agreed to still celebrate the holidays at his grandparents house on Thanksgiving , mostly because I LOVED his family like they were my own. And then he left.

Present Day: November 2017

I still talk to his grandmother and cut her hair. She truly is an amazing woman. However, she is no longer able to drive. She asked me to come to her house to cut her hair so today I drove to the house that I have not been to since that November so long ago. Not much has changed but as I sat in my car trying to process why this house held so many demons for me, a thousand memories flooded my mind. Playing football in the front, gardening tips in the back, antiques in the basement, garage sales out front, pecan picking, and family time on the porch.

I learned today that the past is ok to visit but you can NOT live there. Emotions are a funny thing coming and going when they please. Its cliche’ to say everything happens for a reason but the statement is still the true. Sometimes toxic relationships/people are just that toxic! Cut those people out. Life is too short, for feelings of inadequacies. Choose your people carefully because even when you cut someone out they still leave a forever scar that can seep even years later. Even as my demons taunt me, I am thankful today that though she is not MY “mamaw” she always claimed me as her own!

Snapshots into a future… Well maybe

So  for as far back I as can remember I have had dreams. Not just any dreams, but dreams that I didn’t always understand but that would sometimes come true. When I was in the 3rd grade I had a dream that my teacher and principal where having an “affair” (now keep in mind I went to a Christian school and didn’t even know what that meant at the time) Three days later it came out in the open and my vision was real.

I still have these dreams but I do not always share them. For the last couple of months I have had one that will not let me go. Its of this woman who is so incredibly strong but she is hurt and she meets this man who is a beast but soft for her. In my dream they keep to themselves as to not bring attention to themselves. I can see a hers his and a theirs. I cute lil boy with dark hair running around in diaper with a black shirt with skulls and fake tattoos.

Now this may just be a dream but don’t be surprised if it turns out to be true. Remember you heard it here first.