The door is closing and you are sad

Life is a funny thing, one minute everything is great then you feel the winds shift. Surely this is not my life’s plan.How do you pick yourself back up when a door closes in your face on your favorite dream?Image result for inspirational memes

How true is this? Would we ever appreciate the light if there was no dark (no disappointments)

For me life has been confusing lately, do I stay, do I go, am I making the right decisions for my lil one… But I have a friend who is going through much worse and my heart hurts for that situation. My prayer is, that although you feel like the door is closing and the dark is settling in, DON’T GIVE UP! I know that it is sometimes hard to find your way back but do not give up because someone is waiting for you. (friend, family loved ones, etc) I will be here for you, always.

In the end, when you see the light you will know that everything was as it was supposed to be. So chin up, Baby Girl, be the storm! If you need help, I got you. lol  I have no trouble being the storm. You are strong, intelligent, talented, beautiful daughter to The King, and I am blessed to call YOU friend!

#betheStorm

Motivation: What keeps you going?

For the last two years I have been on a quest to get back to being more healthy. I am a single mom with a very active lil boy and need to be the best I can be for him and me! This is me right before I started this journey. 

I was about 55 lbs overweight, facing  back and wrist surgery. I ate nothing healthy. I knew the time had come to do things differently. So July 4, 2016 I put down Dr. Pepper for good… (I went from drinking 6-8 a day to none and started a healthier diet) I made it a point to NOT cheat the first six months. This is different for everyone, but I knew if I cheated I would not have the willpower to stop.  I was doing no workouts at this point either. December of 2016 I had lost 30 pounds but I still had 25 to go. It was time to get really serious. I hired a trainer.

This route is not for everyone, but I found having to answer to someone and send my measurements to him was a HUGE motivator. (I will find a pic to put here just for yall) January 2017, I had joined his six week program. I had forgotten just how much I LOVED the working out. I loved the feel of my muscles being sore. Six weeks flew by. At the end i had lost three inches and was well on my way to loosing the last of my weight.  I tried to make it on my own, I really did.  I ended up messaging him and asking about longer term programs. Having a trainer keeps me grounded, motivated and focused on what I should be doing.

Around April I met another  fitness junkie. I know what you are thinking, what happened to D? Nothing, I kept him, while I started incorporating MORE stuff from my new friend and the results were amazing! I found that he challenged me to do things that I normally would not have even attempted to do. I have NO quit in me when someone challenges me! (I may have fussed a lil though) In all my years I can say that I loved the way I felt and looked during this time the best. I could not have been more excited about my new muscle definition. (Pics of my baby shoulders) 

October- December 2017 was when I got a lil sideways (so if this happens to you don’t panic you can get it back!) I spent these months BUSY with family holidays and only occasionally did I hit my downstairs gym. I will say that getting back in the groove is the hardest part but now two weeks into January it feels like I haven’t left!

The question I get asked the most is, well what’s your goal? I don’t know if I have just one… I want to reach for the stars and never look back. Size matters not to me, I mainly try to focus on how I feel at the end of the day and can I keep up with my four year old! My goal is too motivate people the way my friends motivate me! My advice to you is NEVER give up. Start small and move from there. Need help? There’s no shame in that either. There are a lot of programs out there that you can do alone or online trainers that will help you, because I know better than most how intimidating “going to a gym” can be!

Relationship Goals

When you were younger did you plan your future? Always know what you wanted to be? What did that look like for you?

I remember as a little girl looking forward to a time when I would meet someone, fall in love and be together forever… (I just knew I was gonna marry Luke Skywalker)

Then I became a teenager and that changed a lil bit 🤣 the only thing that stayed consistent was the thought of being excited to have my very own family a man that loved me a house full of kids and a soccer mom van.

About a month before i got married, I saw a young couple walking in the aisle together heads bent giggling about something. Pushing my buggy past I remember thinking, I can not wait to get to do that with my husband. Before you call me naive for thinking that all couples go to the store together all the time, I know life happens. How amazing though, to be so in love that doing the little stuff together matters.

Now that I’m grown, I am still drawn to watching couples at the store or sitting together at a restaurant. My grandparents sat side by side at the cafe with his arm around her (and my grandpa was the BEST) and when walking together, he made sure he was close for what he called just in case. (Which I can appreciate now because I’m a total klutz)

I guess my point is this, if you are lucky enough to be in love with a great person take time to the little things (go to Walmart, hold their hands, sit in the rockers at Cracker Barrel, laugh like no one is watching) Because let’s face it there a million people who would gladly trade places with you. Treat each day like a gift instead of a chore. Share an adventure, even if it’s just on the front porch!

Contentment…

Are you content?

Someone asked me that the other day, and the answer is I have no idea. I am but I am not. I never stop trying to make myself be better or do better. I think sometime last year forgot how to be myself.

I don’t normally do “resolutions”, mostly because who actually sticks to those. However, I was inspired to jot some goals down. Not long term goal but short term goals, something to keep me focused in a time of chaos.

  • more time with Baby J (park days, outing, exploring, or crafts)
  • blog more
  • travel somewhere and explore something new at least once a month
  • start a travel blog
  • get back to working out (I have slacked since October and I miss it) and of course eating healthy again. This one has already begun
  • read 150-200 books this year (long term obviously… probably lol)
  • start a budget for said books
  • laugh a little more (more time with friends)
  • last but not least I would like to sing again even if it is a karaoke night

Whew you would have thought that short list would not have taken me two days to think about. So I will go back to my original question. Am I content? Yes I think I am BUT I will not keep from pushing myself to be better for me and my son.

Here’s where I think people get little lost. Contentment shouldn’t be confused for settling, no matter what that looks like for you (relationships, jobs, material things) Settling is NO good for anyone! So if you are settling don’t. If you are content, good for you! If you are a little lost like I was don’t panic, start a list of goals.

REMEMBER fortune favors the bold!

Dreaming with my eyes wide open

Have you ever wanted something so bad that your mind and heart speak to you in dreams? Do you do this? Sometimes I will be in the middle of the day and find myself dreaming of you.

Tonight I saw glimpses of a future that was never meant to mine but one that I have wanted since I was a lil girl. As I lay down to sleep my mind is restless and I know that when I give up and let go you will be there waiting for me smiling hand extended as if leading me down to the madness of my own doing. It’s 3:45 am, I know it’s time. There’s really no use fighting my need to see you even briefly. The dreams are never the same but always end the same way with my heart racing knowing our time is coming an end.

The minute my eyes close I’m instantly there with you and it’s like no time has passed and a thousand years have gone by.

…..

I know our time is running out. I can hear my alarm in the background the panic must show in my eyes so as things start to fade you reach out to touch my cheek saying “It’s ok, I’ll see you soon.”

When I open my eyes, I can’t help but feel the leap of my heart. It takes a minute to know that’s a dream and you are gone.

My reality starts all over. I miss you sometimes more than i need air.

Cheating… Yes or No?

Definition of cheat

transitive verb
1to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud 

  • cheated the elderly couple out of their property
2to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice 

  • a young man who cheated young women into marrying him when he was already married
3to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting 

  • cheat death

So what do you think? When is it cheating and when do you cross that line? Is it a specific time for you? Do you feel like there are times when it is justified? Angela, What if I feel like this person is MY forever? How do you help a friend that has been through it?

Well here are my thoughts and my answers to the questions above, let me know if you have different opinions than mine. (Believe it or not there’s more than one answer)

What do I think? Cheating is personal for me. Until you have been cheated on or been the “other person” I don’t think you can have an informed decision. I don’t feel it’s like ever an option.

When is it considered cheating? Hmmm If you are committed to someone, anything that you can’t do in front of your partner. I would consider “not good”. There is no such thing (in my book) as a innocent flirtation or texting with someone is taken when their partner doesn’t know or not involved.

Do you feel like their is times when it is justified? I think people mistake excuses for justification. But ,Angela, you don’t know MY situation… You’re right I do not , however I know you can leave any time you choose so cheating is not justified in my book NO MATTER WHAT.

What if I feel like this person is MY forever? Oh wow well, honey, I do NOT believe God will send you someone else’s husband or wife. Now that being said if you are unhappy and feel like there is no reconciliation then again I reiterate please leave before one or both of you get hurt. Ps. lets say you DO end up together how do you ever trust one another to be faithful to you? (just a thought)

How do you help a friend going through this trail? I know in my situation mostly I just wanted to not feel stupid or like I was worth something. See all I can see that comes from cheating on someone is that you leave them feelings of worthlessness, self esteem issues and feeling oh so gullible. Let them rant. Let them cry. And most importantly be encouraging, pray for BOTH parties (as no one is perfect).

My thoughts are this, if you do not want someone to treat you bad why would you treat them bad. Air on the side of caution, If you feel like you met someone you can not live without leave the one you are with now. Remember at one time, those people were the very air you breathed.

Snapshots into a future… Well maybe

So  for as far back I as can remember I have had dreams. Not just any dreams, but dreams that I didn’t always understand but that would sometimes come true. When I was in the 3rd grade I had a dream that my teacher and principal where having an “affair” (now keep in mind I went to a Christian school and didn’t even know what that meant at the time) Three days later it came out in the open and my vision was real.

I still have these dreams but I do not always share them. For the last couple of months I have had one that will not let me go. Its of this woman who is so incredibly strong but she is hurt and she meets this man who is a beast but soft for her. In my dream they keep to themselves as to not bring attention to themselves. I can see a hers his and a theirs. I cute lil boy with dark hair running around in diaper with a black shirt with skulls and fake tattoos.

Now this may just be a dream but don’t be surprised if it turns out to be true. Remember you heard it here first.