Past adventures that led to the time of my life

Music! I can NOT live my life without music. There is a song for literally everything no matter what you have going on in your life.  For as long as I can remember I have LOVED to sing. I doesn’t seem to matter what kind of music I am singing either.  (so much so that half the time I don’t even know I am doing it)

When I was 22, I saw an ad in the paper about coming to Nashville and auditioning for a record deal. Ha I mean why not? I was single no kids. SO off I go with my mom, curlers in my hair to sit in a room for 7 hours! Listening to people singing their hearts just waiting for my turn. I have never experienced anything like it. Intimidated. I mean  what did I have that they would want? Excited. The most people I had ever sang in front of was church lol. I sang. This is where I met Mrs. Mary Robbin (but we will talk about her later on) I just KNEW this would change my life forever, and in a way I guess it really did. I won a partial contract and that’s where our story will begin!

My poor momma went with me every other week  to Nashville. Voice lessons with Mary Robbin, she was a bundle of life and laughed at everything. She had an amazing life story but that is for another post.

It took three months of planning to actually get to the recording date. I was given 60 songs to go through to pick out my ten. I mean that should be plenty right? I came up with seven that I wanted, but couldn’t settle on the last three. That’s when Mrs. Mary Robbin brought me three songs her husband had written. I was absolutely in love with them! It took a week of recordings, to get all ten tracks. I will never forget Randy (the best sound man), I swear he never lost his patience with me and believe he could have. During the day, we had photo shoots, video shooting, auditions, and shopping. At night, I would sing till I had nothing left to give Randy. (ha there MAYBE still some of those videos floating around)

Next came getting to sing at the Stardust for a small showcase. I was a lil less scared about this one. Surrounded by my family and several of my friends, man I thought I was already famous. Standing backstage waiting to hear my name, the people cheering, the bright lights,  music starts deep breath, THAT feeling! I sang Sylvia “Nobody”. I was doing it living the dream. Or so I thought…

Working full time at the salon, still going to Nashville every other week and now its Christmas Eve. I was outside with my fellow friends when my past rolled up… lol Can I just take a minute and say everything happens for a reason and if you can’t make it work the first time, chances are that it probably won’t work the next time. It seemed innocent enough he just wanted to wish me Merry Christmas and congrats on the new career. One thing lead to another and we got back together.

Four months Mrs. Mary called to tell me there was a showcase I had been invited to where Mercury Records would be attending. I was beyond excited. Love. Career. Wasn’t my life progressing exactly as it was supposed to? A  week before the “big day” I drive to Mark’s house, where he met me and PROPOSED! SO I was getting married. I went to sing, got a call back for six months.  I could not wait to get back and tell him how it went (see the first red flag is he wasn’t there). He said he was so proud! That night we talked of the future: wedding, house, kids the whole nine yards.But this is where the narrative changed, If I wanted to continue this path that we of course would have to wait to get married (sec red flag) BUT he was quick to tell me supported me whatever I decided.

I made the decision to take a “break” to get married. Now that I am grown I am not sure what my decision would be when presented with the question. What I can say is now no matter how old I get I will always look back on these days with a fondness and say  WHAT A RIDE I HAD…

Relationship Goals

When you were younger did you plan your future? Always know what you wanted to be? What did that look like for you?

I remember as a little girl looking forward to a time when I would meet someone, fall in love and be together forever… (I just knew I was gonna marry Luke Skywalker)

Then I became a teenager and that changed a lil bit 🤣 the only thing that stayed consistent was the thought of being excited to have my very own family a man that loved me a house full of kids and a soccer mom van.

About a month before i got married, I saw a young couple walking in the aisle together heads bent giggling about something. Pushing my buggy past I remember thinking, I can not wait to get to do that with my husband. Before you call me naive for thinking that all couples go to the store together all the time, I know life happens. How amazing though, to be so in love that doing the little stuff together matters.

Now that I’m grown, I am still drawn to watching couples at the store or sitting together at a restaurant. My grandparents sat side by side at the cafe with his arm around her (and my grandpa was the BEST) and when walking together, he made sure he was close for what he called just in case. (Which I can appreciate now because I’m a total klutz)

I guess my point is this, if you are lucky enough to be in love with a great person take time to the little things (go to Walmart, hold their hands, sit in the rockers at Cracker Barrel, laugh like no one is watching) Because let’s face it there a million people who would gladly trade places with you. Treat each day like a gift instead of a chore. Share an adventure, even if it’s just on the front porch!

Dreaming with my eyes wide open

Have you ever wanted something so bad that your mind and heart speak to you in dreams? Do you do this? Sometimes I will be in the middle of the day and find myself dreaming of you.

Tonight I saw glimpses of a future that was never meant to mine but one that I have wanted since I was a lil girl. As I lay down to sleep my mind is restless and I know that when I give up and let go you will be there waiting for me smiling hand extended as if leading me down to the madness of my own doing. It’s 3:45 am, I know it’s time. There’s really no use fighting my need to see you even briefly. The dreams are never the same but always end the same way with my heart racing knowing our time is coming an end.

The minute my eyes close I’m instantly there with you and it’s like no time has passed and a thousand years have gone by.

…..

I know our time is running out. I can hear my alarm in the background the panic must show in my eyes so as things start to fade you reach out to touch my cheek saying “It’s ok, I’ll see you soon.”

When I open my eyes, I can’t help but feel the leap of my heart. It takes a minute to know that’s a dream and you are gone.

My reality starts all over. I miss you sometimes more than i need air.

Does fortune truly favor the bold?

Does fortune favor the bold? Do you believe in fate? Do you want it bad enough? What’s the absolute worst that can happen?

So I have this ongoing debate with a friend… He says intimidation plays into whether or not someone asks you out. Here’s my thoughts on that.

Does fortune favor the bold? I believe it does. Sometimes the opposition is just as nervous as you are.

Do you believe in fate? Absolutely! If you are meant to be in someone’s life then you will be there.

Do you want it bad enough? Now here’s where it gets tough. It’s not easy putting yourself out of the limb where you can be exposed and vulnerable, but if you don’t then you won’t get what you want (and that’s a 100% guarantee). They can not read your mind.

What’s the worst that can happen? Hmmm REJECTION yeah i know that’s never fun. But what happens if you get that promotion or if that special person says yes? Is it worth the risk? If you say no it’s not then that job or that person is not meant for you. (IMO) If it is worth the risk then I challenge you to be bold! And remember this they are probably just as scared to say yes and you are to ask.

The older I get the more i realize that life is too short for someone to not know your worth.

#bethemouse #youcandoit #ibelieveinyou

Today my demons are screaming….

First, lets take a step back in the past, so you can better understand what is going on in my world today.

I was married in 2000 to a man that was not my knight in shining armor. We were NOT good for each other. Although he was never abusive, the effect was the same. November 2002 just two days before Thanksgiving my ex came into our house at 1:30 am and informed me he had filed for divorce.  My world was shattered… This man who had become the air I breathed was leaving me. He sat on the couch after that bomb, while we talked about things for a minute. We agreed to still celebrate the holidays at his grandparents house on Thanksgiving , mostly because I LOVED his family like they were my own. And then he left.

Present Day: November 2017

I still talk to his grandmother and cut her hair. She truly is an amazing woman. However, she is no longer able to drive. She asked me to come to her house to cut her hair so today I drove to the house that I have not been to since that November so long ago. Not much has changed but as I sat in my car trying to process why this house held so many demons for me, a thousand memories flooded my mind. Playing football in the front, gardening tips in the back, antiques in the basement, garage sales out front, pecan picking, and family time on the porch.

I learned today that the past is ok to visit but you can NOT live there. Emotions are a funny thing coming and going when they please. Its cliche’ to say everything happens for a reason but the statement is still the true. Sometimes toxic relationships/people are just that toxic! Cut those people out. Life is too short, for feelings of inadequacies. Choose your people carefully because even when you cut someone out they still leave a forever scar that can seep even years later. Even as my demons taunt me, I am thankful today that though she is not MY “mamaw” she always claimed me as her own!

Snapshots into a future… Well maybe

So  for as far back I as can remember I have had dreams. Not just any dreams, but dreams that I didn’t always understand but that would sometimes come true. When I was in the 3rd grade I had a dream that my teacher and principal where having an “affair” (now keep in mind I went to a Christian school and didn’t even know what that meant at the time) Three days later it came out in the open and my vision was real.

I still have these dreams but I do not always share them. For the last couple of months I have had one that will not let me go. Its of this woman who is so incredibly strong but she is hurt and she meets this man who is a beast but soft for her. In my dream they keep to themselves as to not bring attention to themselves. I can see a hers his and a theirs. I cute lil boy with dark hair running around in diaper with a black shirt with skulls and fake tattoos.

Now this may just be a dream but don’t be surprised if it turns out to be true. Remember you heard it here first.