Contentment…

Are you content?

Someone asked me that the other day, and the answer is I have no idea. I am but I am not. I never stop trying to make myself be better or do better. I think sometime last year forgot how to be myself.

I don’t normally do “resolutions”, mostly because who actually sticks to those. However, I was inspired to jot some goals down. Not long term goal but short term goals, something to keep me focused in a time of chaos.

  • more time with Baby J (park days, outing, exploring, or crafts)
  • blog more
  • travel somewhere and explore something new at least once a month
  • start a travel blog
  • get back to working out (I have slacked since October and I miss it) and of course eating healthy again. This one has already begun
  • read 150-200 books this year (long term obviously… probably lol)
  • start a budget for said books
  • laugh a little more (more time with friends)
  • last but not least I would like to sing again even if it is a karaoke night

Whew you would have thought that short list would not have taken me two days to think about. So I will go back to my original question. Am I content? Yes I think I am BUT I will not keep from pushing myself to be better for me and my son.

Here’s where I think people get little lost. Contentment shouldn’t be confused for settling, no matter what that looks like for you (relationships, jobs, material things) Settling is NO good for anyone! So if you are settling don’t. If you are content, good for you! If you are a little lost like I was don’t panic, start a list of goals.

REMEMBER fortune favors the bold!

Christmas Picture

Nativity….How many of us see this when we think of the Christmas birth? As I sat in church yesterday the preacher said something that I had heard a million time but the Lord opened my eyes to a picture i had yet to think about.

The stable much like the world was dirty, filthy and smelled. (Can you imagine being a NEW mom and thinkin that you were goin to have to deliver a child into all of that disease) God choose to give us His Son in the worst possible conditions because before Christ enters our life we are our worst possible selfs. He reminded me once again that without Him we are nothing but a dirty filthy stable but with Him we are children of The King!

No one is not worthy of the love Jesus has for us! You were so loved that God parted with his son, so that He could come into a filthy world to save someone even as low as me.

What a Christmas picture! So raise your head son and daughters to the king you are worthy of more than what this life has to offer you.

Dreaming with my eyes wide open

Have you ever wanted something so bad that your mind and heart speak to you in dreams? Do you do this? Sometimes I will be in the middle of the day and find myself dreaming of you.

Tonight I saw glimpses of a future that was never meant to mine but one that I have wanted since I was a lil girl. As I lay down to sleep my mind is restless and I know that when I give up and let go you will be there waiting for me smiling hand extended as if leading me down to the madness of my own doing. It’s 3:45 am, I know it’s time. There’s really no use fighting my need to see you even briefly. The dreams are never the same but always end the same way with my heart racing knowing our time is coming an end.

The minute my eyes close I’m instantly there with you and it’s like no time has passed and a thousand years have gone by.

…..

I know our time is running out. I can hear my alarm in the background the panic must show in my eyes so as things start to fade you reach out to touch my cheek saying “It’s ok, I’ll see you soon.”

When I open my eyes, I can’t help but feel the leap of my heart. It takes a minute to know that’s a dream and you are gone.

My reality starts all over. I miss you sometimes more than i need air.

Cheating… Yes or No?

Definition of cheat

transitive verb
1to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud 

  • cheated the elderly couple out of their property
2to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice 

  • a young man who cheated young women into marrying him when he was already married
3to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting 

  • cheat death

So what do you think? When is it cheating and when do you cross that line? Is it a specific time for you? Do you feel like there are times when it is justified? Angela, What if I feel like this person is MY forever? How do you help a friend that has been through it?

Well here are my thoughts and my answers to the questions above, let me know if you have different opinions than mine. (Believe it or not there’s more than one answer)

What do I think? Cheating is personal for me. Until you have been cheated on or been the “other person” I don’t think you can have an informed decision. I don’t feel it’s like ever an option.

When is it considered cheating? Hmmm If you are committed to someone, anything that you can’t do in front of your partner. I would consider “not good”. There is no such thing (in my book) as a innocent flirtation or texting with someone is taken when their partner doesn’t know or not involved.

Do you feel like their is times when it is justified? I think people mistake excuses for justification. But ,Angela, you don’t know MY situation… You’re right I do not , however I know you can leave any time you choose so cheating is not justified in my book NO MATTER WHAT.

What if I feel like this person is MY forever? Oh wow well, honey, I do NOT believe God will send you someone else’s husband or wife. Now that being said if you are unhappy and feel like there is no reconciliation then again I reiterate please leave before one or both of you get hurt. Ps. lets say you DO end up together how do you ever trust one another to be faithful to you? (just a thought)

How do you help a friend going through this trail? I know in my situation mostly I just wanted to not feel stupid or like I was worth something. See all I can see that comes from cheating on someone is that you leave them feelings of worthlessness, self esteem issues and feeling oh so gullible. Let them rant. Let them cry. And most importantly be encouraging, pray for BOTH parties (as no one is perfect).

My thoughts are this, if you do not want someone to treat you bad why would you treat them bad. Air on the side of caution, If you feel like you met someone you can not live without leave the one you are with now. Remember at one time, those people were the very air you breathed.

Does fortune truly favor the bold?

Does fortune favor the bold? Do you believe in fate? Do you want it bad enough? What’s the absolute worst that can happen?

So I have this ongoing debate with a friend… He says intimidation plays into whether or not someone asks you out. Here’s my thoughts on that.

Does fortune favor the bold? I believe it does. Sometimes the opposition is just as nervous as you are.

Do you believe in fate? Absolutely! If you are meant to be in someone’s life then you will be there.

Do you want it bad enough? Now here’s where it gets tough. It’s not easy putting yourself out of the limb where you can be exposed and vulnerable, but if you don’t then you won’t get what you want (and that’s a 100% guarantee). They can not read your mind.

What’s the worst that can happen? Hmmm REJECTION yeah i know that’s never fun. But what happens if you get that promotion or if that special person says yes? Is it worth the risk? If you say no it’s not then that job or that person is not meant for you. (IMO) If it is worth the risk then I challenge you to be bold! And remember this they are probably just as scared to say yes and you are to ask.

The older I get the more i realize that life is too short for someone to not know your worth.

#bethemouse #youcandoit #ibelieveinyou

Today my demons are screaming….

First, lets take a step back in the past, so you can better understand what is going on in my world today.

I was married in 2000 to a man that was not my knight in shining armor. We were NOT good for each other. Although he was never abusive, the effect was the same. November 2002 just two days before Thanksgiving my ex came into our house at 1:30 am and informed me he had filed for divorce.  My world was shattered… This man who had become the air I breathed was leaving me. He sat on the couch after that bomb, while we talked about things for a minute. We agreed to still celebrate the holidays at his grandparents house on Thanksgiving , mostly because I LOVED his family like they were my own. And then he left.

Present Day: November 2017

I still talk to his grandmother and cut her hair. She truly is an amazing woman. However, she is no longer able to drive. She asked me to come to her house to cut her hair so today I drove to the house that I have not been to since that November so long ago. Not much has changed but as I sat in my car trying to process why this house held so many demons for me, a thousand memories flooded my mind. Playing football in the front, gardening tips in the back, antiques in the basement, garage sales out front, pecan picking, and family time on the porch.

I learned today that the past is ok to visit but you can NOT live there. Emotions are a funny thing coming and going when they please. Its cliche’ to say everything happens for a reason but the statement is still the true. Sometimes toxic relationships/people are just that toxic! Cut those people out. Life is too short, for feelings of inadequacies. Choose your people carefully because even when you cut someone out they still leave a forever scar that can seep even years later. Even as my demons taunt me, I am thankful today that though she is not MY “mamaw” she always claimed me as her own!

How do you celebrate?

Good Morning! I hope today finds you awake and rested from a great nights sleep. Today we celebrate Veterans Day. What does that mean exactly? Here’s what Wikipedia has to say:

“Veterans Day is an official United States public holiday, observed annually on November 11, that honors military veterans; that is, persons who served in the United States Armed Forces. It coincides with other holidays, including Armistice Day and Remembrance Day, celebrated in other countries that mark the anniversary of the end of World War I; major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, when the Armistice with Germany went into effect. The United States previously observed Armistice Day. The U.S. holiday was renamed Veterans Day in 1954.

On November 11, 1919, U.S. President Woodrow Wilson issued a message to his countrymen on the first Armistice Day in which he expressed what he felt the day meant to Americans:

ADDRESS TO FELLOW-COUNTRYMEN
The White House, November 11, 1919.

A year ago today our enemies laid down their arms in accordance with an armistice which rendered them impotent to renew hostilities, and gave to the world an assured opportunity to reconstruct its shattered order and to work out in peace a new and juster set of inter national relations. The soldiers and people of the European Allies had fought and endured for more than four years to uphold the barrier of civilization against the aggressions of armed force. We ourselves had been in the conflict something more than a year and a half. – With splendid forgetfulness of mere personal concerns, we re modeled our industries, concentrated our financial resources, increased our agricultural output, and assembled a great army, so that at the last our power was a decisive factor in the victory. We were able to bring the vast resources, material and moral, of a great and free people to the assistance of our associates in Europe who had suffered and sacrificed without limit in the cause for which we fought. Out of this victory there arose new possibilities of political freedom and economic concert. The war showed us the strength of great nations acting together for high purposes, and the victory of arms foretells the enduring conquests which can be made in peace when nations act justly and in furtherance of the common interests of men. To us in America the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with – solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service, and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of nations. ”

WOW! I love this and not sure I have ever looked up the why behind Veterans Day (other than the obvious) I am a history lover. Combine that with the love of my country and I am in heaven.

When I was a lil girl I can remember sitting on my grandpa’s knee, while he told me stories about how great our country was. He looked at me straight in the eye from as early as 3 years old and said a lot of brave people sacrificed so we could live in this great country so I had two choices I could love it too or I could leave. Now that I am older I understand that what he meant is we as Americans are not perfect by any means, however, I would rather be here than anywhere else.

SO if you woke up in the greatest country in the world Thank a Vet! Without these brave men and women who go into the military we would not be where we are now.

Is this a trend?

I️ love to read and this year I can not tell you how many books I have read (I can tell you I read three last week), but I have started noticing a trend in writers. There seem to be two types of female characters in most authors.

  1. Alpha Females~ Most do not have a personality that I can see. Their only mission is to save the day and make the men look stupid and weak.
  2. Weak Leading Females~ They can not do ANYTHING without a mans advice or “permission”

Now, before you jump on me, I am neither of these types of women. Why is it hard to be a strong independent woman with brains WITHOUT making a man be less than a man. I am a get stuff done type of girl but I enjoy a man being a man. Sure I can probably chop firewood, beat up bad guys, fix a flat tire etc, but I don’t want too. Does this make me less of a “woman”?

Here’s my spin on it, women do not have to “save” themselves to be strong. Nor do you have to be weak for a real man to feel important. It should be a 50-50 relationship.

Snapshots into a future… Well maybe

So  for as far back I as can remember I have had dreams. Not just any dreams, but dreams that I didn’t always understand but that would sometimes come true. When I was in the 3rd grade I had a dream that my teacher and principal where having an “affair” (now keep in mind I went to a Christian school and didn’t even know what that meant at the time) Three days later it came out in the open and my vision was real.

I still have these dreams but I do not always share them. For the last couple of months I have had one that will not let me go. Its of this woman who is so incredibly strong but she is hurt and she meets this man who is a beast but soft for her. In my dream they keep to themselves as to not bring attention to themselves. I can see a hers his and a theirs. I cute lil boy with dark hair running around in diaper with a black shirt with skulls and fake tattoos.

Now this may just be a dream but don’t be surprised if it turns out to be true. Remember you heard it here first.

I am at a loss…

I know this blog is about books and we will get back to them shortly but first I want to ask you a question.

If I tell you my child has an allergy (nut, gluten, peanut butter or bees ect.) all products containing these ingredients are immediately ban from school. Right? (My child goes to school where there is a nut ban)

So If I tell you my child is allergic to sugar why do you continue to have sugar in his school? Can you tell me the difference? Sugar affects him like a poison, his lil body just can not process great amounts of processed sugar. He has a hard enough time eating natural sugar and keeping control.

His school is having a “sharing meal” today, where everyone brings a bag of candy to school and they go around with a waffle cone and fill up their cone with various candies. Now let me be fair, his teacher is aware that he can’t have sugar so she told us we could bring his own stuff and he would have a cone just not get to share with the others… This breaks my heart, literally in two. Keep in mind my son is 4 and doesn’t understand why he can’t participate in this like the other kids. So instead of the tears I knew would be coming I kept him home to avoid someone feeling sorry for him and slipping him some sugary treat anyway.

NOW before you jump on me and tell me, Angela, there is medicine for hyperactivity. Let me ask you this. If you knew you were allergic to nuts, would you eat a pecan pie and then shoot up medicine to keep your body from reacting? If you are diabetic is it smart to feel your body full of toxins just because you have insulin to save your life? Y’all get the point. My point is simple when we control his diet he is no longer hyper, is this harder? Absolutely! But we do it to maybe keep him from having to take meds that could potentially change his personality. (Now I am not against said meds its just not where we are right now)

Last thing and then I will be done. The Obesity rate for adults in Alabama 2016 is 18-25 years 22.6% 26-44 years 38.2% 45-64 42.1% That is HUGE! Why do we feel the need to feel our children from a young age junk on a daily basis. (I am not talking about special occasions either.) Something to think about for sure.

My hope is that one day we will take seriously the dangers of being flippant with sugar sensitivities or hyperactivity. This is coming from someone who suffered from this all my life.

Love to all,

Angela