Today my demons are screaming….

First, lets take a step back in the past, so you can better understand what is going on in my world today.

I was married in 2000 to a man that was not my knight in shining armor. We were NOT good for each other. Although he was never abusive, the effect was the same. November 2002 just two days before Thanksgiving my ex came into our house at 1:30 am and informed me he had filed for divorce.  My world was shattered… This man who had become the air I breathed was leaving me. He sat on the couch after that bomb, while we talked about things for a minute. We agreed to still celebrate the holidays at his grandparents house on Thanksgiving , mostly because I LOVED his family like they were my own. And then he left.

Present Day: November 2017

I still talk to his grandmother and cut her hair. She truly is an amazing woman. However, she is no longer able to drive. She asked me to come to her house to cut her hair so today I drove to the house that I have not been to since that November so long ago. Not much has changed but as I sat in my car trying to process why this house held so many demons for me, a thousand memories flooded my mind. Playing football in the front, gardening tips in the back, antiques in the basement, garage sales out front, pecan picking, and family time on the porch.

I learned today that the past is ok to visit but you can NOT live there. Emotions are a funny thing coming and going when they please. Its cliche’ to say everything happens for a reason but the statement is still the true. Sometimes toxic relationships/people are just that toxic! Cut those people out. Life is too short, for feelings of inadequacies. Choose your people carefully because even when you cut someone out they still leave a forever scar that can seep even years later. Even as my demons taunt me, I am thankful today that though she is not MY “mamaw” she always claimed me as her own!

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